Coke Zero: Aptly Named

My love for cola is well-known, well-documented, and well-criticized. It started at a young age, and has continued to this day.

Whenever I go away on a trip, whether for work or for pleasure, I will often keep tabs on my consumption with the patented CCCC: Clay’s Cumulative Cola Count. It’s pretty simple: I keep a running tally of the number of colas that I drink while away. It’s become quite well-known, even highlighted in a recent podcast I did for youth ministry.

I’ve heard the horror stories about cola being so acidic that it can wipe the rust off of a nail. And I’ve experienced first-hand a spilt Coke eating through the carpet in the trunk of my Jesus-Mobile (rest in peace).

I’ve consulted good friends who are doctors and they all say the same thing: that my stomach (and its own acids) “eat away” the cola acid, so I’m not destroying my insides. Good to know. It’s the caffeine (addiction) and sugar (teeth and calories) that’s dangerous. Also, good to know.

I don’t go through withdrawal when I don’t have cola for extended periods of time. In fact, a recurrent Lenten promise of mine is to only drink cola on Sundays during those 40 days (notice I still drink it on Sundays…but they are considered Feast Days and don’t count in the 40 days!!!).

I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs. I don’t have any cavities, and am often complimented on my sparkling white teeth (haha). I could stand to lose 10 pounds…but that’s for another blog. And I do have some standards: I won’t drink a pop earlier than 9am on any given day.

Admittedly, I truly only like Pepsi and Coke, with Pepsi being my preference. After all, it is the choice of a new generation. Or at least it was 20 years ago, when Michael Jackson had his hair catch on fire while filming one of those expensive commercials. Now, it’s simply “the cola.”

And I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…or in this case the bottle cap from the bottle. Both Sean and Jake enjoy the savoury taste. In fact, there were 3 things that Sean likes (as I do) that he wasn’t allowed to tell his kindergarten teacher: drinking cola was one of them.

So it was with great hesitation and reservation that I tried Coke Zero for the first-time today. Gail’s relatives were convincing me that it was just at tasty as the original, with zero calories (hence the name). Thus, supposedly, it’s better for you.

I had one sip before passing the can on.

Zero cavities? How about Zero taste? Or Zero appeal? Or Zero as in the number of times I’m going to drink it again?

I reached for my familiar Pepsi bottle to consume with the rest of my dinner. Within 0.87 seconds of placing the can of Coke Zero down on the table, it was snatched up by 2 boys with huge grins on their faces.